The-Alchemists-Muse

Aaaand it's the first of the month again! Top Webcomics has just reset! So please help us get ahead by voting here- topwebcomics.com/vote/11097/de… !! Any one who does gets to see some behind-the-scenes test work done for the comic.
And of course check out the webcomic Artifact itself at www.artifactstory.com/ . The story is about a quarter-way through the second chapter and the plot is about to pick up drastically!

Other news: Coming some time when there is less work work work oh god so much work. But it's ok! Kicks the crap out of high school >w<

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Art Status
Requests: Permanatly Closed. I might make you a present for a holiday or birthday if I know you really well, but don't count on it.
Art Trades: Closed
Comissions: Closed (I will post a journal when they open again)



dWarped Journal CSS (By TWENTY4e is based on the Warped template design by Six Shooter Media. It's avaliable here (twenty4e.deviantart.com/art/dW…) at deviantArt under the Creative Commons Attribution v2.5.(creativecommons.org/licenses/b…)

So I've been making vague occasional comments about a supposed webcomic project for... About the last year or so. Posted a couple of pieces of art for it, etc... WELL. It's here. The webcomic Artifact, written by and with art by me, has officially gone live today! Check it out! www.artifactstory.com/ !!!

The current plan for the comic is to update everyday for a week, after which it'll update every Tuesday and Friday.  I am kind of incredibly excited, having been working on this project for so long and now finally seeing that work come to pay off X3

I'll also be posting some of the pages in my gallery here as we get further along, so there's that to look forward to as well!


In other news, it has been a hectic couple of weeks. Just finished up an internship in the creative offices of the advertising firm Arnold Worldwide, which was just... INSANELY fun. Exhausting but fun. I might actually be going back to continue the internship later in the summer, depending on how things work out, which would be pretty awesome.

My highschool graduation is... Geez, it's tomorrow. Damn. I am so damn glad to be done with high school I just... Am ready to be out of there. Let's bring on college! *puts on a RISD hat*

Finally, 'tis mah 19th birthday today! Which is... Cool. I'm older. Wheee.
... Yeah, 19 isn't really all that special. But birthdays are birthdays and mine has been pretty excellent so far, so whatever!

So yeah! Life is pretty much really damn good these days! And seriously. Check out Artifact www.artifactstory.com/ . It is epic, trust me~

*rolls around enjoying life and getting optimism everywhere*

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Art Status
Requests: Permanatly Closed. I might make you a present for a holiday or birthday if I know you really well, but don't count on it.
Art Trades: Closed
Comissions: Closed (I will post a journal when they open again)



dWarped Journal CSS (By TWENTY4e is based on the Warped template design by Six Shooter Media. It's avaliable here (twenty4e.deviantart.com/art/dW…) at deviantArt under the Creative Commons Attribution v2.5.(creativecommons.org/licenses/b…)

Emotionally heavy and mixed rant type thing. Except without any actual anger. I don't know what you'd call that.

I'd rather put them here because I feel like if I'm talking to someone directly, that's... Something. Different. This way it feels more like just... It's not venting, because I'm not upset. But it is getting stuff out of my head that I feel like saying to someone directly would prolly be irritating or unnecessary. To them, I mean.

Yeah, that first paragraph is kinda repetitive, but that's how my brain works. I've been realizing a lot about myself recently. One big thing is that I repeat myself. A lot. Another is that I OVER-THINK</b> things. Everything. I am pretty sure I think pretty quickly, but I get bogged down because then I go back and think over the thing again. Taking it and turning it this way and that in my mind, trying to get all the details possible out of it, even though sometimes I've already exhausted the thought/concept/whatever and then I just go in circles. It slows me down, makes it hard for me to get things sometimes. I am so preoccupied with picking apart the details looking for meaning, I just miss the main point entirely.

Makes me feel really freaking dumb sometimes. I know I'm not, but I can't help it, I end up feeling like an idiot, because I'm incapable of seeing things right in front of my nose. I hate that. It makes me get defensive and like I have to explain myself, so they'll understand. Something in me insists I have to do it, because what if they don't get it? Can't have that. That's what my brain tells me.

... Writing this here feels less confrontational too. I have a hard time looking people in the eye, and I can be however I need to be to people I don't really know, but if I care about someone and value their opinion, it makes me a little scared. No, that's not true; I'm very scared.
I'm very contradictory.
I'm very secure in my abilities, I feel confident in myself in so many ways, in who I am, in what I care about. But I am also massively socially insecure. I want and need and DO trust people absolutely, but there's a paranoid part of me that still expects to get dropped and left behind, always destined to be the disposable friend. Because that's ALWAYS what's happened to me; I've ended up the third wheel, everyone's friend, but no one's best or special friend. Tag-a-long.
And the times when I wasn't, it's because I was the one doing the dropping. It's only reinforcing it and I hate it.

I wrote this journal because I really needed to say this stuff. People don't need me to explain myself, I think they don't really want to hear it most of the time (I can't really tell a lot, honestly; I can't read people. I need them to tell me how they feel or else I will take what I can see and overthink it until I doubt myself). And I am learning restraint.

But it's so hard. It's mentally painful. Explaining feels NECESSARY. Not for them, even, it's necessary for me. Something in how my mind works makes it feel like it's required to function, and I haven't quite gotten to where I'm capable of just NOT doing it. Some of it is prolly totally controllable; I think I'm already getting better about repetition (out loud anyway; inside my head goes in circles the same as always). But... I really don't think some of this can be fixed. Some of it is just the way I am.

I am so freaking self-conscious. I don't know why I feel like I'm being judged all the time. Not even necessarily harshly, but still like I need some explanation for everything I do. I know I don't. I really really know it. But silence scares me, because there's nothing to read in silence when I haven't got faces (and even if I had faces, I'd still never be sure; because it could mean THIS or THAT, but what about THE OTHER THING?) and I feel like I should explain, because what if it's a disapproving silence?

I don't know when I started caring so much about what people think. Maybe I always did and I just didn't have enough people who I respected enough. Enough to care about their opinions.

I know I should just stop.
Stop being oversensitive
Stop being self-conscious
Stop feeling like I am in a mental balancing act.

Like it's ever really that easy.

...
... It's ok though. I make it sound like it's all complicated and messed up, but I think it really will be ok. Being scared to trust that people really care about me doesn't mean I'm not doing it. I'm still going to be paranoid and afraid and unsure, but I know that it's mostly internal (except the tiny part that might really be there, my overanalyzing, over-thinking, paranoid scared mind is forcing me to mention. Shut up, you).

I think there are truly wonderful people around me.  I think that if WHEN I get over this worrying thing, it's all going to be fine. I really do.

No, I haven't had caffeine today. This is just what the inside of my head is like. It's kinda... Yeah. But I feel better for dumping some of it here.

... This is really, really TL;DR, isn't it? |D

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Art Status
Requests: Permanatly Closed. I might make you a present for a holiday or birthday if I know you really well, but don't count on it.
Art Trades: Closed
Comissions: Closed (I will post a journal when they open again)



dWarped Journal CSS (By Nobody is based on the Warped template design by Six Shooter Media. It's avaliable here (twenty4e.deviantart.com/art/dW…) at deviantArt under the Creative Commons Attribution v2.5.(creativecommons.org/licenses/b…)

hq.deviantart.com/blog/3099325… Dude 8V. We totally just won on this particular issue. Damn good jobs guys, got an apology AND we get the way stuff used to be back~
Stuff like this reassures me that standing up for what you think is fair can totally work out for the better sometimes.

So hey, anyways, now that comics people don't have to worry about automatic resizing killing their images, go take a look at !!! It' an OCT centered on Superheroes and Supervillains and I highly recommend a look!

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Art Status
Requests: Permanatly Closed. I might make you a present for a holiday or birthday if I know you really well, but don't count on it.
Art Trades: Closed
Comissions: Closed (I will post a journal when they open again)



dWarped Journal CSS (By TWENTY4e is based on the Warped template design by Six Shooter Media. It's avaliable here (twenty4e.deviantart.com/art/dW…) at deviantArt under the Creative Commons Attribution v2.5.(creativecommons.org/licenses/b…)